Everyone else is doing it

I’m going to link to that rant by Kim du Toit [via pretty much every blog under the sun, but most recently Gummo’s]. Being a man whose only problem with Queer Eye is that weird thing they have against mono-brows, du Toit’s so-called “essay” is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. His basic thesis is that men in the West have been “pussified” by the women’s movement, and you’d better give me my penis back or else men are going to “become a footnote to history”, or something. It’s already inspired a pretty funny rejoinder, not to mention some serious soul searching on my part as to how the following facts might have escaped me:



  • Cowboys n’ Indians is “a variation” of good guys vs. bad guys.

  • It’s wrong to tell men that violence is bad. Apparently violence is good. Yay violence!

  • It’s wrong to be drugging-up little boys with Ritalin. Just keep on medicating them girls, though.

  • “The process of male pussification” in Europe “is almost complete”. Also, men in Italy.


  • “America is…a culture dominated by one figure: Mother. It wasn’t always so: there was a time when it was Father who ruled the home, worked at his job, and voted”. Of course, fathers still vote, so this can only mean that the Suffragettes should’ve been keep outta sight.


  • Single-motherhood is akin to a punishment, as in: “Some women deserve to be single moms” [emphasis in original, which applies to all quotes]. This reflects an odd conception of either punishment or parenting, I’m not sure which. Also, the information I have to the effect that some women want — or at least prefer — to be single mothers, is apparently wrong. Thanks for clearing that up, du Toit.
  • I haven’t been in a fight for ten years. Therefore, I am not a man [anatomy notwithstanding].
  • Advertising execs are “girly-men”. Also, John Singleton.
  • Jim Belushi was apparently a man, and not a woman. I had no idea. Condoleeza rice is apparently a man, and not a woman. Again, I had no idea. In fact, I’m still not sure about this.
  • “I want our government to be more like Dad — kind, helpful, but not afraid to punish us when we fuck up, instead of helping us excuse our actions”. The American government needs to be harder with criminals. Unrelatedly, incarceration rates hit record highs.
  • “Never mind that it’s simplistic — we like simple, we are simple, we are men”. Real men are apparently simpletons, and glorify in that fact. The “we like simple, we are simple, we are men” line makes me wonder whether his misconceptions about advertising ex-execs might be holding him back from a career in which he’d excel.
  • It’s not just the French who think that books are gendered: “I want our literature to become more male, less female”. Can anyone tell me why it feels so counter-intuitive that a self-declared “real man” might read “literature”?
  • If you’re a “real man”, treating women like objects is good. Unless of course you’re Muslim “real man”, in which case it’s bad [and you’d better stop before we bomb your country].
  • The raping of women by young men is a “reaction” against the pussification of society or some such. Not only is this an extremely odd, not to mention offensive, variation of blaming-the-victim, but the nugget of truth that it contains [ie, women being raped] would tend to suggest that the pussification of society is in fact rather a long way from completion.
  • Gays are “butt-bandits”, in that they are apparently guilty of butt-banditry. Fuck I hate bandits.
  • To attract women, I need to dress up in “a naval aviator’s uniform”, like the swoon-inducing George Bush. So we’re dressing up like we’re in the Navy, yet we hate them butt-bandits. Makes sense.

Read the essay if you think I must be stretching what it contains. It’s worth reading on account of all the gut-laughing you’ll do. Incidentally, at one point in his rant, du Toit notes a fact. He tries, and in my opinion fails, to fit it into his argument. That fact is the stereotypical dichotomy of the perfect, rock-like wife, as against the flawed, comically-inept husband, both of whom you see so often in sitcoms, that is if you actually watch sitcoms, which you really shouldn’t cause they suck.


Anyway, it occurs to me that rather than being biased against and badgering toward men, this stereotype essentially gives them and their foibles a pass, even when they’re complete dumb-asses [think Homer Simpson, for example]. So on the one hand, the stereotype says to men, it’s ok to not be perfect. For women, on the other hand, the stereotype practically mandates that they live up to an impossible ideal. Home Improvement, to take du Toit’s example, casts the father as a loveable rogue, who gets to spend all his time playing with his toys, at “work” and at home, while the mother raises the kids, cooks the meals, puts up with Tim Allen being a moron, solves his problems for him, solves the kids’ problems for them etc.

You tell me, how does this fit the point of his “essay”? I’m a little confused.

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12 Responses to Everyone else is doing it

  1. Tiu Fu Fong says:

    Amusing indeed. It’s far easier, though, to pick up on the silly statements in the essay and satirise them than it is to pick out and consider the more interesting points.

    What has happened to the nature of ‘manhood’ in the Western world? Are we capable now of, say, joining up en masse in the armed forces to fight someone like Hitler (as was the case in WW2), or is it more likely that we’d be a bit more hesitant? What is the impact of different models of manliness on children (for better or worse)?

    Regardless of the internal logic of the essay, it’s emotional direction is clear. Do you think that old school manliness is dissipating, and what do you think it’s being replaced with?

  2. nardo says:

    My everloving wife has a lot of opinions on men. I’ll check with her and get back to you.

  3. Mork says:

    I liked the take on this by Conrad from the Gweilo Diaries, which concluded thus:

    “And last, but by no means least, du Toit, REAL MEN DON’T FUCKING WHINE!”

    The full thing is at:
    http://www.gweilodiaries.com/archives/week_2003_11_02.html#001618

  4. Geoff Honnor says:

    “And last, but by no means least, du Toit, REAL MEN DON’T FUCKING WHINE!”

    Unless they’re possessed of really small dicks :)

    Leaving aside the tedious rant of mijnheer du Toit for a moment, Tiu makes an interesting point. There does seem to be an increasing tendency towards soul-searching the meaning of “man” in the post-feminist West. It’s probably a necessary – and positive – development, but the Hemingwayesque parody that du Toit advocates is about as far from the reality of most mens lives as it’s possible to be. Why do so many self-proclaimed libertarians seek solace in comic-book stereotypes of manliness? It’s about as ‘individual’ a notion as the Britney Spears take on womanhood

  5. I’m not sure that Du Toit’s idiocy is that easy to satirise. The Dickification piece that roop has linked too is an excellent piss-take, and shows just how much serious effort it takes to satirise the silly.

    I might try to fit in some soul-searching about the moral and social obligations that go with having a set of dangly bits a bit later, after I’ve got some real work done.

  6. David says:

    nay doktorfong, i dont think our avidity for military matters has declined for reasons connected to masculinity.

    I think we have been offered such crappy wars to believe in. And the impact of WW1 did slowly seep into the culture.

    If we got into a stoush with the Indonesians over East Timor, I think a lot of people might go for the Khaki.

    And in 1939/40, an awful lot of Australians joined the army because it was a job. Theres all those accounts of families that could finally afford shoes for the kids when the war came.

    These days we might be less hardy soldiers. Peasants make good grunts – just ask the Anzacs about Johnny Turk. Urban people fret if they sleep in a scrape on the cold cold ground.

    On the other hand, our image of the warrior has changed too. Techno war arrived a while ago. Beep beep program powie! So its the nerd with his computer who becomes more valuable than the horny handed son of toil, quick with his bayonet, making his booby traps out of billy cans and barbed wire.

    Besides, these days you can meet your wife at the battle front. There’s a scarey voting combo at the RSL afterwards.

  7. Sadly, No! says:

    “It’s already inspired a pretty funny rejoinder”

    Thank you. There’s another very good (but more serious) response by Winston Smith:

    “So, though men have ruled the world for all of recorded history, and though conservatism is everywhere ascendant, the duToitified conservative castrati wail and screech; self-proclaimed paragons of maleness emasculated by a Cheerios commercial and four episodes of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, thus, in the end, confirming their own fears about the decline of man.

    Christ, what a bunch of pantywaists.”

  8. Personally I can’t believe people are taking du Toit’s bullshit seriously enough to comment on it as much as they are, yet I can’t resist noting something myself. Quoth our big manly hero:

    And finally, I want men everywhere to going back to being Real Men. To open doors for women,

    Possibly it’s just me but I find this bit about real men showing respect for women is kind of hysterical coming at the end of an essay that has done nothing but piss and moan about the negative influence women have had on men. As for this bit:

    Some women deserve to be single moms

    Given that Kim is, by his own admission, onto his third wife, I can only assume there’s at least two women out there reckon some men deserve to be single guys as well. Can’t wait to find out what number three makes of it all.

    Otherwise, word to the bloke who wrote “real men don’t fucking whine”. If you want to be a Real Man, just go out and be one instead of bleating about what Real Men are supposed to do.

  9. “And last, but by no means least, du Toit, REAL MEN DON’T FUCKING WHINE!”
    Unless they’re possessed of really small dicks :)

    Maybe that’s his problem.

  10. roop says:

    i thought the car-door-opening thing was an obligatory exercise in ass-covering, giving him something to fall back when people inevitably accuse him of hating women.

    “but how can i hate women, when i want to open their car doors?” etc.

  11. Seb says:

    “Can’t wait to find out what number three makes of it all.”

    Oh, she loves the essay according to her web site.

  12. observa says:

    Well I can tell you right now that where I come from there is no pussification among our men. We mate for life because where I come from it’s the men who wear the pants that their women choose for them.

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